I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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