By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
