Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
