Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
