do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
