I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
