During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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