worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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