I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
