So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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