I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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