My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize