You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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