I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
