your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Sext me about skeletons
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
