it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That accounts for only three of the penises
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
