haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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