He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
