I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
