I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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