I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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