after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
