I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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