Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
