No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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