I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
