So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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