she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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