First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
