And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
