Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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