i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
