my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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