i think my tv is drunk
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
