Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
