how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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