Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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