He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
