I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
