I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
