On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
what day is it and did you see me today?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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