I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
