1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm at about main and main street
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
