My room smells like vodka and shame
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
