everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
