No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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