Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
