So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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