oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
