hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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