think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
