so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
