with your own penis?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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