Well apparently he's into motor boating.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
