people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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