Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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