I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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