would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
