In the future we'll all be gay
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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