i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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