pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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