my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
