I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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