So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
