TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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